


Crimson And Clover

by hat_full_of_stars



Category: Kaylor - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/F, Mention of Drug Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hat_full_of_stars/pseuds/hat_full_of_stars
Summary: “I mean, it’s 1979. We should be able to do whatever the hell we want.”//Karlie Kloss, the enigmatic drummer of The New Romantics, is annoyed when Taylor Swift joins her small band. She’s too sparkly, too friendly, too perfect. Over time, however, she finds that she can’t help but feel drawn to the pop singer. At the end of a tumultuous decade, the two young women, despite their unlikeness, find each other through the noise of the big city.
Relationships: Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Posting a Kaylor fic in the year 2020? It's more likely than you think.
> 
> I've had this in my metaphorical drawer for a year, so I dusted it off a little and decided to finally post it. Hope you all like it! This is also being cross-posted to Wattpad.

**Prologue**

The faint beams of the rising sun crawl across Sunset Strip. The neon signs blink. A car honks. Loud music spills from the clubs onto the pavement. The morning air is warm, not yet as stuffy and hot as it will be in a few short hours. Most parts of the city are still in deep slumber. And yet on this street, the lights have never been out.

A backdoor opens and two tall, blonde women stumble out. They’re giggling, and their step is unsure, their movements sloppy. One has a tough grip on the other’s leather jacket, slightly tousling the fabric. The other one is gripping a bottle of vodka, the cap long lost, some of the sticky liquid having spilt and covering her hand.

They stop by the side of the road. One of them pulls the other closer by her hips, and their lips find each other. The kiss is messy, and the taste of alcohol lingers on their lips. The one holding the bottle brings her free hand towards the other’s neck, keeping her head in place as she traces her lips down her jaw and towards her exposed collar-bone.

She feels nothing for the other woman besides the thrill of intoxication. She has touched many women in the last weeks, months, years. The blonde who is currently panting into her ear is no different from them except for the fact that they’ve established a sort of routine. It’s not attachment that keeps her going back to her, rather habit and the addiction of needing to feel worthy of her time when the blonde screams her name. Like the drugs she had sworn off months ago but that she can’t seem to quit, either.

She kisses her way back up her neck and their lips meet again.

“Go home with me?”, the blonde whispers when they separate to catch their breaths.

She studies her face closely, then sighs.

Karlie knows she has to end this soon.

* * *

As soon as she steps off the stage, she makes a beeline towards the washroom. The loud cheers from the audience blare in her ears, making her dizzy in the sudden silence. The door closes with a thud, and she is alone.

She splashes cold water onto her face and wrists. She knows they have to leave soon and there will be no time to shower. Her blonde hair is curly and wild, and she pushes the bangs out of her face as she stares at her reflection in the mirror.

There is a knock on the door.

“Are you alright? We have to get on the bus.” Her brother’s voice is gentle, but urgent.

She sighs and shouts a response, but doesn’t move from her spot.

She has felt strange lately. The past two years have been a whirlwind. She just finished her first headlining tour, the sold-out venue full of people singing the lyrics to her songs back to her like in a dream. Outside there are reporters and fans waiting for her, hoping to get an autograph and a picture of her waving and smiling. She should feel happy, but all she feels is this deep, vast loneliness threatening to open up and swallow her whole.

The guilt seems to close around and strangle her throat. Hot tears pool behind her eyes, and she is too afraid to blink lest they spill over and ruin her make-up. Over the course of the tour, she has felt more and more like she’s betraying everyone. She writes and sings all these songs about love, about staying together despite the odds.

In truth, she has never experienced anything resembling romantic love. She draws her inspiration from her own imagination, from books and movies that fill her with the longing she has never actually felt towards anyone she has ever kissed. She desperately wants to feel like the girl on stage that sings her songs every other night. And yet, she wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for love.

The knocking becomes incessant.

Taylor takes a deep breath, then opens the door. She’s ready to go home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Intro**

**Taylor Swift**

**&**

**The New Romantics**

Taylor Swift – Lead Vocals & Guitar

Brendon Urie – Vocals & Lead Guitar

Todrick Hall - Guitar

Austin Swift – Bass Guitar

Derek Blasberg – Keyboard

Karlie Kloss - Drums

1\. Joan Jett – I love Rock N Roll

2\. Taylor Swift – Sparks Fly

3\. Mac – Go Your Own Way

4\. Panic! At the Disco – Golden Days

5\. Elton John – Tiny Dancer

6\. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – I Hate Myself For Loving You

7\. Taylor Swift - I Think He Knows

8\. Mitski – Townie

9\. Van Halen – Dance The Night Away

10\. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – Crimson and Clover


	3. Chapter 3

**Put Another Dime In The Jukebox, Baby**

There are not many things in her life that Karlie has put an extraordinary amount of effort in. Simply put, she hates being told what to do, and oftentimes she finds herself just not caring enough. An exception is her band. Her band that she somehow ended up in a few years ago with her best friend and three other guys she actually finds tolerable. They’re successful enough to barely make it a living, yet not known enough to get picked up by the radio. But that just means there’s less pressure and more freedom, and Karlie likes it that way.

When all of that changes out of the blue one Saturday morning, she doesn’t even try to conceal her resentment.

“Are you serious?” Karlie groans and slouches down the couch a little more. Her feet are carelessly thrown over the coffee table. She’s tired and hungover from the night before, her hair in a messy ponytail.

Everyone in the room turns towards her, eyebrows raised.

Jack clears his throat. “Yes, I’m being serious, and it’s already decided. Taylor Swift will join your band to produce one album and one tour.” The producer gives Karlie a stern look.

No ifs, no maybes. He knows the music they are going to make will be good, he knows the album will be successful, and he knows the tour will sell out. If he wants it to happen, it will happen.

“Well, thanks for asking us”, Karlie says sarcastically and pushes the couch table a little with her feet.

Todrick, who is sitting next to her, puts a hand on her arm. “It will be alright. I think it’s awesome! She’s so far out and we can get so much more exposure from collaborating with her, just think about it!”

Karlie only rolls her eyes. Brendon and Derek nod. “We’re going to learn so much from her! Her songwriting is unbelievable. Why aren’t you excited, Karlie?”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Karlie crosses her arms in front of her chest. “I just don’t like her. I admire her hard work and her success, I guess, but her perfect girl image annoys the shit out of me. It’s like everyone loves her these days and it’s a sacrilege to find her annoying. I turn off the radio every time that goddamn ‘Sparks Fly’ song comes on.”

“Hey, watch your mouth, Karlie. That’s my sister you’re talking about!” Austin, who had been quietly observing until now, chimes in.

“How could I ever forget that Taylor Swift is your sister, you only mention it five times a day! She wouldn’t even know or care about our band otherwise, either” Karlie huffs. Her feet push the couch table a little bit further, and the cups of coffee standing on it shake dangerously.

Jack leans forward from behind his desk. “Don’t spill the coffee on my carpet, Karlie, or I’ll have you clean this whole office!”

The other guys are simply watching the exchange. Karlie finally sits up properly, yet still annoyed.

“Taylor will join your band practice in two days, so you better make sure you can play your own songs flawlessly until then. And if you have any ideas for new songs, write them down and see what you can work on together with Taylor. I expect a positive attitude from everyone” Jack says and gives Karlie another pointed look at the last sentence.

Karlie and her bandmates hum in agreement, and then they are dismissed. As soon as they’re out the door, Karlie lights a cigarette to calm herself down. She trails behind the others who are already heading over towards the next-door building for practice, and puffs out a ring of smoke and annoyance.

* * *

“Hey, I’m Taylor!” The cheerful voice fills the room and all eyes dart towards the door.

Austin is the first one to get up, and he hugs his sister tightly. The other guys approach the singer, and introduce themselves one by one. Only Karlie remains behind, watching the exchange from behind her drum set. Unwilling to get up, she waits for Taylor to approach her.

Her eyes go wide when Taylor actually does. “You must be Karlie, I’ve heard a lot about you!” Karlie wants to make a snarky comment but is taken aback by how genuinely friendly the singer is. She shakes her hand and smiles.

Taylor’s long, curly hair looks soft and shiny, and her denim jumpsuit looks like it was made just for her. Karlie groans internally. She doesn’t know why she wants to find her annoying so badly. Now that she’s meeting her, she just wishes she had a reason for it.

She focuses back on adjusting her drums while Taylor and the guys talk and prepare their first joined practice. Eventually, Karlie has to join them to discuss what songs they will be practicing, but she doesn’t really care. She’s staring at Taylor’s annoyingly sparkly guitar that’s standing in the corner when Brendon nudges her.

“Karlie, where is your mind right now?”

“Sorry” Karlie mumbles. “What were you saying?”

“We just agreed to play some of our songs first because Taylor knows how to play them. She will do lead vocals so I will just play lead guitar instead. We need to figure out how to integrate her into the band.”

Karlie shrugs. “I’m just in the back playing my drums, I don’t really care who’s singing.”

Todrick groans at her statement, and she earns a strange look from Taylor. The other guys only roll their eyes, then get their instruments.

Practice goes relatively well after that. The band is surprised that Taylor knows their songs so well, but she just shrugs, saying of course she does, it’s her little brother’s band. Karlie wonders if Taylor has ever seen them play live. If she has, she wasn’t introduced to them.

“So, what do you guys suppose we call the band now?” Taylor asks during a break and takes a sip from her glass of water.

Brendon looks around the room, waiting for someone else to give their input. When no one says anything, he speaks up. As their front man, he has always been the leader of the group. Karlie wonders how their dynamic is going to change with Taylor in the picture.

“How about we leave the band name and just add yours? Taylor Swift & The New Romantics?”

Taylor’s eyes light up and she claps her hands. “That sounds awesome!”

“Sounds good to me too!” Austin agrees.

“I can already see it on a billboard!” Todrick laughs.

Derek gives a thumbs up. “I agree!” He plays a few notes on his keyboard for emphasis, making the others laugh.

All eyes are on Karlie now. She twirls her drum stick in her hands and shrugs nonchalantly. “Sounds good to me, too.”

Karlie can feel Taylor’s stare on her face, so she turns around to catch her gaze, but Taylor quickly looks away. She gets up and fetches her guitar, busying herself with tuning.

* * *

A week goes by, and the band practices daily. Brendon and Taylor start writing lyrics together. Todrick and Austin work on their guitar and bass chords, respectively. Derek and Karlie add their part to the mix.

On a rainy Thursday afternoon, Jack comes by. He has a woman in tow that Karlie doesn’t recognize.

“Hey everyone, how’s it going? Just checking in with you guys.”

The others greet him. Brendon speaks up. “It’s going well. We’ve been writing our own lyrics together. We haven’t worked out an entire song yet, but I have a good feeling.”

Jack nods and lets his eyes wander across the room. They settle on Karlie, and he looks like he wants to say something, but doesn’t. He clears his throat instead and introduces the woman next to him.

“This is Lily, Taylor’s manager.” The brunette waves. “We’ll hang around a little and see how everything is going.”

The two make themselves comfortable on the couch, and Jack goes to the small kitchen attached to the room to make coffee.

Karlie tries her best, but she seems to have lost all her focus. She can’t stand Jack’s scrutinizing stare, and she doesn’t like the looks Lily is giving her, either. She loses it half an hour later when Taylor turns to her with a small, reasonable request.

“Karlie, can you change that drum part a little? A little less base drum?”

She rolls her eyes and drops her drum sticks to the ground in a dramatic fashion. “I never agreed to you joining our band, why are you telling me what to do?”

Taylor looks shocked, and her eyes widen. Before she can say anything, Austin chimes in. “Let it go, Karlie. We don’t want your bad attitude. Everyone is working well with each other, why can’t you?”

Karlie doesn’t have an answer for that. She’s annoyed by Taylor’s presence, and she can’t figure out why. There’s just … _something_ about her that annoys her. She’s too perfect, too pretty. The center of attention everywhere she goes. Her voice is too angelic, her songs too catchy. It just annoys Karlie.

She huffs and picks up her drum sticks. Everyone is still looking at her, and Taylor’s face is full of questions, and a little bit of sadness.

Jack comes over and gestures towards Karlie. “Can we talk for a second?”

Karlie reluctantly gets up and follows him into the kitchen. As soon as she closes the door, Jack goes off about what an honor it is to have Taylor agree to join the band and how Karlie should appreciate it.

“She’s been on top of the LA music scene for the last three years! She’s opened for Fleetwood Mac! She’s sold out a tour of her own! Can you just get over yourself and appreciate working with Taylor Swift? Do you know how many bands out there would _kill_ for an opportunity like this? If you don’t like it, I can replace you with another drummer in a minute!”

Karlie looks at the floor. “I’m sorry. I know. I just don’t like her, I guess.”

“I don’t care.” Jack’s jaw is clenched. “You either act professionally or you’re out of the band. She doesn’t need you, the band needs her. Understood?”

The rain is hitting the kitchen window in heavy drops outside, and the wind is blowing.

Karlie bites her lip. “Yeah, I’ll do my best.”

* * *

If anyone had told Karlie a week ago that she would be at Taylor’s house and actually enjoy herself, she would have laughed. Yet, she finds herself sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island, drinking beer and watching Taylor roam around the kitchen. The guys are in the backyard playing table-tennis and goofing around.

“I should have tried this quiche recipe before I decided to make it for everyone”, Taylor stresses and runs a hand through her hair.

Karlie can’t help but laugh. “Relax. Whatever the outcome, it will be better than anything Austin has ever tried to cook for us.”

Taylor laughs along with her. Her brother is a terrible cook.

 _She looks cute in that apron,_ Karlie catches herself thinking. She quickly looks away from Taylor and takes another sip of her beer. She doesn’t know why she isn’t in the backyard with the guys. But Taylor’s house is air conditioned, a welcome change to the roasting sunrays outside. At least that’s why Karlie thinks she’s inside, anyways.

Taylor’s house is not too small and not too big. It looks homey, from what Karlie has seen. She has a piano room and an impressive record collection. The music from the record player can be heard from the next room, along with the laughter and chatter from outside. Fleetwood Mac is playing.

“What was it like going on tour with them?” Karlie asks on impulse.

Taylor looks confused for a moment, but then realizes what Karlie means. A smile spreads across her face.

“It was so far out! They’re just the nicest people. And I learned so much!” She stops cutting the vegetables and turns around to Karlie.

Karlie simply nods and smiles. She has no idea how to keep the conversation going. It doesn’t usually happen to her.

Taylor turns around again, but makes an effort to engage Karlie further.

“So, what do you like to do?”

The question catches Karlie off guard. She realizes that this is the first time she and Taylor are hanging out alone, and that they don’t really know each other outside of band practice.

“Um … all sorts of stuff. I like going to the movies. Do you like Star Wars?”

Karlie immediately wants to slap herself. She used to be known for never skipping a party or the opportunity to take a new girl home or to refuse a pill. She’s not so sure what happened between then and sitting in Taylor Swift’s kitchen, watching her cook and starting a conversation about Star Wars.

Taylor’s eyes light up, unaware of Karlie’s inner scrutiny. “I like Star Wars, too. Movies in general, and books. And my cats,” she rambles on.

“Do you want pineapple in the quiche or no?” Taylor suddenly changes the topic and laughs. She’s holding a giant pineapple in front of Karlie’s face.

“Ew.” Karlie makes a grimace, and it causes Taylor to laugh again. Karlie wants to look away, but she can’t bring herself to do it.

Taylor leaves the pineapple out and puts the quiche in the oven, then sets the kitchen timer. They continue chatting. After a while they decide to head outside to the backyard and join the guys. Taylor grabs a beer from the fridge on the way out.

 _Why did I think she doesn’t drink at all?_ Karlie thinks as she follows Taylor. She lights a cigarette as soon as they step outside.

The guys welcome them and challenge them to a 2-2 match of table-tennis. Taylor and Brendon against Karlie and Derek. The afternoon goes by way too fast. They eat the quiche, drink beer and get sunburnt. Karlie can’t remember the last time she’s had this much fun.

* * *

“No, let’s do it again. We can do better.” Karlie’s brows are furrowed and she bites her lip. Derek looks at his best friend in surprise, but nods his head in agreement. They are working on a sample for a song Taylor and Brendon have written the previous week.

Derek goes over his keyboard chords again. “Maybe we could add some synthesizer for this song.”

“Sure. Let’s bring it up next time” Karlie says and smiles. She looks over to the others. Austin is tuning his bass. Taylor is animatedly talking to Todrick and Brendon.

Karlie is so engrossed in her work, she doesn’t hear Jack and Lily come in. Only when Taylor comes over to her and Derek does she look up. Taylor gives her a bright and sunny smile. Karlie gets up but forgets to look away from Taylor. She walks into her cymbal set, and the sound makes all eyes turn to her. She blushes furiously.

 _What is wrong with me?_ She thinks as she makes her way over to where the others are sitting. She can feel her cheeks burning. Jack grins at her.

“We have exciting news!” He dives right into the topic.

Next to her, Karlie sees the enthusiasm in Taylor’s eyes, and Jack hasn’t even explained what he’s talking about yet. She wants to find it annoying the way she usually does. However, seeing Taylor’s eyes shine only makes her feel excited, too.

“We booked you two shows in the Valley in two weeks! It will be your first time performing as a joined band, and we hope to get the word out there. You already have a couple of songs together, right?”

Everyone smiles and nods. Karlie feels her heart pounding. It’s been too long since they’ve played a show.

Brendon speaks up. “Right now, we have five songs that we’ve written together. They’re still a little bit rough around the edges, but if we give it our all we can get them ready to be performed in two weeks. We’re also working on another song. And we’ve practiced a couple of ours as well as Taylor’s songs before, including Sparks Fly. We should have enough for a 45-minute set.”

Jack nods. “Good. Keep up the good work! I see you’ve all gotten used to each other by now.” He gives Karlie a pointed look, and she wants to disappear into the couch.

“Thank you, we will be ready!” Austin says and smiles.

“I will book you hotel rooms, then. I know it’s not far but it’s easier than going back and forth for the night” Lily explains. “The label will provide you with a van.”

“Thank you!” They say almost in unison. Todrick laughs. Everyone feels excited to get back on the road, and now with Taylor on board they feel like they’re being treated like superstars.

Jack and Lily leave. The band remains on the couch, continuing their animated conversation. Taylor’s eyes shine with pride for her little brother, Karlie can’t help but notice. Karlie knows that Taylor must be used to being provided accommodation and transportation. For Karlie and the guys, however, it’s a big first step towards real, tangible success.

Before they get back to practice, Karlie goes into the kitchen to get a beer from the fridge. Taylor looks at her with wide eyes. “It’s not even lunch-time!”

Karlie mumbles something about ‘5 o’clock somewhere’ and lights a cigarette.

“Karlie! Jack doesn’t want us to smoke indoors! Go outside!” Brendon scolds her.

Karlie grins. She knows that, she just likes to test her limits sometimes. She walks to the front porch, and Derek joins her, lighting a cigarette of his own. Karlie can feel Taylor’s disapproving stare on them, but she just shrugs.

Derek grins at her. “Does she still annoy you now that Red Records is finally giving us our opportunities because we’re working with her?”

“Shut up, Derek.”

* * *

Karlie feels like she’s in trance. The bar is packed and the air is stuffy. She knows that this is the largest audience they’ve ever played in front of, and it’s one of their best shows. One of her favorite things about being the drummer is that she gets to watch the other bandmembers. Everyone is giving it their all. And Taylor – she can’t take her eyes off Taylor. She’s never seen her perform before, but she suddenly understands all the hype around her.

It doesn’t matter if they’re performing songs they just wrote three weeks ago, or her own, or the band’s – Taylor is singing them like she’s never done anything else in her life. She’s mesmerizing.

While Taylor’s old songs and their new ones clearly differ in style, the audience doesn’t seem to care. They’re dancing and screaming and clapping along.

“This is another song we’re playing for the first time tonight!” Taylor announces and smiles widely. The audience cheers.

They perform ‘Golden Days’. The heavy guitars, the bass, the drums, and the combination of Taylor’s and Brendon’s voices, they all come together perfectly. The band and the audience feed off each other’s energy. It is in that moment that Karlie truly believes that when they record an album and go on tour together, they will be successful.

Brendon thanks the audience before their last song. “We’re Taylor Swift and the New Romantics! You will hear more from us very soon!”

When the first notes of ‘Sparks Fly’ start playing, the audience cheers even louder. Karlie’s eyes go wide. Of course - everyone knows this song. She grins to herself. How many times has she made Derek turn off the radio when it comes on because it annoys her so much? And now here she is, playing it live, together with Taylor. And she’s having the time of her life. Maybe the song isn’t so bad after all.

After their gig, Karlie finds herself at the bar with Taylor. She looks around for Derek or one of the other guys, but can’t see any of them.

“I’m getting a piña colada for myself, do you want one too?” Taylor asks. She’s leaning close and touching her shoulder, talking over the music the next band is playing.

Karlie scrunches her nose. “No, I still don’t like pineapple.” She grins, and Taylor laughs.

“I’ll have a tequila sunrise.”

“Alright. It’s on me.” Taylor orders their drinks. Karlie thanks her with a smile. She has never been polite enough to turn down a free drink.

They congratulate each other on the good show they just put behind them. Karlie can’t help but notice that Taylor managed to somehow change her outfit within the five minutes they spent backstage. Her denim button down looks fresh and clean compared to Karlie’s leather jacket that is sticking to her from all the sweat. It probably smells of three days’ worth of cigarette smoke, too.

They talk as much as the volume of their surroundings allows them to. When the band plays a cover version of ‘Tiny Dancer’ and the room quiets down, they turn towards the stage to watch the band play. Karlie finally spots Todrick and Austin in the audience.

“Do your parents sometimes come to your shows?” she asks Taylor quietly and on impulse.

When she sees Taylor tense up, she realizes it might have been the wrong question.

“I’m sor-“

“No.” Taylor shakes her head and looks at the floor. “They don’t. They’ve seen Austin play once or twice, but not me.” She looks up at Karlie and bites her lip.

Karlie gulps. “Why?” She knows why. For the same reason that her own parents have never made the trip to LA to watch her play or even just visit.

“Because they don’t think a girl should be making music, or living on her own in LA, or be completely independent.” Taylor shrugs. “They tolerate Austin, though I don’t know for how much longer. They want him to go to college. They don’t care if we are successful in music, it doesn’t mean anything to them.”

They look at each other, and Karlie nods in understanding. She doesn’t know why, but she reaches out and gently squeezes Taylor’s shoulder in reassurance.

“I know what that’s like. It’s silly. I mean, it’s 1979. We should be able to do whatever the hell we want.”

Taylor gives a small smile in response. Karlie exhales audibly, then takes a sip of her cocktail.

_Maybe we have more in common than I thought._


	4. Chapter 4

**Daylight, Spent The Night Without You**

Karlie and the guys are sitting on the couch at the back of the control room. She takes a sip of her coffee and watches Taylor behind the glass of the recording booth. The singer is focused, reading over the lyrics as she listens to Jack giving her instructions through the intercom. The sound engineer sitting next to Jack is pushing a regulator up and down on the control board.

“Yes, let’s record the chorus of ‘Golden Days’ again” she hears Jack say. “Then we can mix in Brendon’s parts in the background and see how it sounds.”

Taylor nods and starts singing again. Karlie can’t hear her, but she knows it’s good. It’s fascinating to watch Taylor in her element. It makes her feel confident about the album they’re producing.

A while later Taylor comes out of the booth and plops down on the couch next to Karlie. She empties her water bottle in almost one gulp. Karlie laughs, and Taylor grins at her.

Jack comes over. “Why don’t we record the vocals for ‘I think he knows’ next?” He looks at Taylor expectantly.

Karlie is glad to have finished recording her drum parts for the day. She could go home, but she enjoys watching the others and seeing how the album is coming together. Earlier, she and Taylor already recorded the finger snapping for the song, and Karlie smiles at the fresh memory and the fun they had. Now, however, the mood in the room has shifted considerably.

Brendon stands up from the couch at the other end of the room and clears his throat. “Why can’t Taylor and I record the song together? We sing it together at practice.”

Jack sighs and turns towards Brendon. “Because she’s the lead singer of the band.”

“It’s my song. I wrote it. We sang it on stage together the other week. We sing on Golden Days together, too. Why can’t I record it?”

Karlie looks from one to the other. She sees Taylor gulping. Austin is busy looking at the floor.

Jack lifts his chin. “I will not let you sing a verse on the record with male pronouns. You refuse to change them for your part, you’re not singing it. Taylor does lead vocals. We want the album to be sonically cohesive.”

Karlie almost snorts. _It’s rock’n’roll. We can do whatever we want._

“It’s my song, too. Taylor does an amazing job, but I wrote it.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest. Karlie can see the hurt behind the angry expression on his face.

Taylor bites her lip. Jack turns towards her again. “Can you come into the booth again now? I want to be home in time for dinner.”

The discussion is over. Brendon groans and walks past Jack, then leaves the room. Taylor stands up and catches Karlie’s eyes. She gives her an apologetic look. Karlie only shrugs. They finish recording the song before the sun goes down.

* * *

“Where’s my leather jacket? Did you pack it?” Todrick asks, and Brendon rolls his eyes.

“No, you probably forgot to wash it. Pack something else, we don’t have time.”

Karlie and Derek are standing in the living room of the other guys’ apartment, moving out of the way every time one of them rushes past them. Taylor is trying to help Austin pack as well.

“You would think they’ve learned to pack after our last tour” Derek laughs.

Karlie grins and yells to no one in particular “We’re only going to Pasadena for one night, guys! Why are you like this?”

Todrick comes out of his room with a backpack in hand. “I’m ready!”

“Everyone be ready in five. Lily is already waiting in the van outside.”

Taylor leaves the kitchen to join them. She’s putting on her shoes when the telephone rings.

“I’ll get it!” Austin yells from the kitchen and rushes towards it. The others watch in confusion as his mood changes with each second he’s on the phone, only humming in response and rolling his eyes at the others. His jaw is clenched, and when he hangs up, he practically slams the receiver.

He looks at the others. “Alright, let’s go!”

In stunned silence, the others grab their things and follow Austin outside and to the car. Lily is sitting in the passenger seat and greets everyone with a cheerful smile that quickly falters. She gives Karlie a questioning look, but the tall blonde just shrugs.

Austin gets into the driver’s seat and turns on the radio. Lily laughs when ‘Sparks Fly’ is playing, but Austin groans and changes the station.

Taylor looks at Karlie and bites her lip. Nobody knows how to react. Usually Austin would be beaming with pride at hearing his sister’s song on the radio and sing along.

“Who was on the phone?” Brendon asks quietly after a while. They’ve left their neighborhood and are on the Western Avenue, going north. The traffic is slow.

“My mom.”

Everyone is exchanging looks. Taylor gulps.

“What did she want?” Taylor’s voice is shaking. From what she’s told Karlie, it appears that she hasn’t talked to her parents in a while. Austin, however seems to have told them about the album they are recording.

Austin looks at his sister through the rearview mirror, then back on the street.

“The same shit she always wants. Told me to tell you to stop wasting your time with music and get a real job, and stop hanging around people that are ‘a bad influence on her good daughter’. She also told me to go to college for the hundredth time and that they will not spend one dollar of my school fund on me until I’ve changed my mind.” He laughs bitterly.

“I don’t want their money, anyways.”

Taylor puts her head in her hands. “They’ll never change their minds, will they.” She sounds sad.

Karlie puts her arm around Taylor’s shoulder on impulse. She feels the singer stiffen at first and almost pulls back, but then Taylor relaxes and leans into her a little.

The others are looking out of the window in silence. Everyone knows that this conflict between the siblings and their parents has been going on for years. No one knows how to react. They’ve all discussed this ad nauseum.

Taylor exhales audibly and rubs her temples. She doesn’t move away from Karlie, and Karlie feels like she missed the window where she could have pulled her arm back without it being awkward.

“I won’t let my parents tell me what to do. I like making music with you guys. Let’s make this album a good one.”

That night, Taylor gives the most emotional performance she’s played in a long time.

* * *

“I like your place. Especially this kitchen, I wasn’t expecting anything like this” Taylor says shyly and runs her fingers along the counter.

Karlie watches her look around the room in awe. She grins. “I’ll try not to be offended by that.”

Taylor quickly turns around with wide eyes, an apology on her tongue, but Karlie just laughs. “Most of the credit goes to Derek for keeping this place clean, to be honest. But you’re right, I could never live in a hole like what your brother and the others call their apartment.”

She transfers her freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from the tray onto a plate and laughs again when she sees Taylor make a grimace at her last statement.

“Yeah, I know. There’s a reason I never visit Austin at his place. But he doesn’t want to move in with me, so …” Taylor shrugs and laughs too.

“I also didn’t know you bake. That doesn’t seem to fit with the image I’ve gotten of you so far” she adds and lifts her chin.

Karlie blushes. She quickly turns away so Taylor doesn’t see. Blushing around the blonde singer is also not something she would like associated with her image. Yet here she is. Again.

The doorbell rings. “Speak of the devil” Karlie laughs when they hear Austin, Todrick and Brendon come in. The guys are carrying six-packs of beer and a plate with snacks.

They all make their way into the living room, and soon more of Karlie’s friends arrive. She feels a little worried at first how Taylor might react, but then sees Taylor making small talk with her friend Cara. It’s obvious that Cara already knows who Taylor is but does her best to appear nonchalant. It’s only when Karlie joins them that Cara speaks more freely.

“I had no idea Taylor Swift was in your band. That’s bitchin’!”

Karlie winces and sends an apologetic look to Taylor. “I told you about that weeks ago, Cara. You never listen to me.”

She sighs and takes a long draw from her joint. Cara only shrugs and gestures for her to pass it on. She draws and hands it to Taylor, who freezes.

“Oh … no, thank you.”

Cara raises an eyebrow, but says nothing and draws again.

Karlie hates the fact that Taylor is so visibly uncomfortable. Her friends obviously aren’t the type of people Taylor usually surrounds herself with. She reaches out to touch her arm. “I’m sorry, Taylor. Do you want us to go outside?”

Taylor bites her lip. “No, it’s your house. You can do whatever you want. I just hate smoking, cigarettes or anything else.”

Karlie nods. Cara, however, has a glisten in her eyes when she returns the joint to Karlie.

“I’m surprised she’s even drinking beer. From what I’ve heard she’s more of a drink tea alone at home with her cats kinda person.” She talks as if Taylor isn’t sitting right there.

Karlie narrows her eyes. She is well aware that only weeks ago she had the same bias against the singer, finding her boring and annoying. Right now, though, she feels the need to defend her. They work together, after all.

She gets up and drags Cara away from Taylor by her arm. She turns back only to wish she hadn’t – Taylor is sitting still with her hands in her lap, examining her nail polish. Karlie feels conflicted. She’s tipsy and high, feeling light like a feather, but the sight of Taylor weighs like lead in her chest.

She drags Cara out to the balcony and gives her friend an angry rant, one that she knows the brunette will have forgotten about tomorrow, but it makes her feel better nonetheless. She leaves her friend there to mingle with other people and makes her way back to Taylor.

Karlie stops in her tracks when she sees Austin sitting next to his sister. Of course, he would notice immediately that something is wrong. She wants to turn around again but the siblings have already noticed her. Austin pats Taylor’s arm, gives Karlie a stern look and walks away.

“Are you alright?” Karlie finally asks when she sits down. The joint is still in her hand, and she takes another long draw to calm herself.

“Yeah” Taylor says quietly. She doesn’t move.

Karlie doesn’t know what makes her do it – that seems to happen a lot around Taylor – but she puts her arm around Taylor on impulse. She is reminded of their car ride to Pasadena a week earlier. She feels Taylor immediately relax and lean into the touch. Karlie’s hand is resting firmly on Taylor’s shoulder, slightly pulling her in. Taylor rests her head on Karlie’s shoulder.

They sit in silence for a while. Karlie can’t see him, but she knows Austin is somewhere near, observing them closely and ready to scratch Karlie’s eyes out if Taylor looks uncomfortable in the slightest. She gets along well with Austin, but she also knows he would find a new drummer faster than Jack and Lily combined if she makes a wrong move.

Eventually, they start talking. Karlie apologizes for Cara’s behavior, and Taylor tells her all about her two cats, going on tour with Fleetwood Mac and what her life was like before she came to LA. She’s from Pennsylvania, Karlie learns, and she misses her best friend who is already married and who her parents wish she would take as an example. Karlie in turn tells her about her sisters and the band she and Derek were in in high school.

“Do you want another beer?” Karlie asks after a while.

Taylor smiles at her. “Sure.”

Karlie is beyond tipsy at this point, but she doesn’t care. She has smoked the rest of the joint by herself. She feels good. She grabs two beer and the last chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen and is by Taylor’s side again in no time. The singer hasn’t had all that much to drink, and Karlie briefly wonders how she tolerates her at all at this point.

She finds a way to keep close to Taylor for the rest of the night. Karlie’s fingers graze Taylor’s arm, or the soft skin at the hem of her skirt. Her hand is resting firmly on Taylor’s shoulder, or gently on her waist. She can’t think clearly, and she doesn’t want to.

When everyone leaves a little after two am, Karlie’s head is spinning. For the first time in years she wakes up at dawn, reaches out to realize her bed is cold and empty on the other side, and wishes it wasn’t so.

* * *

She awakes a second time a few hours later to the sound of Derek dropping a pot in the kitchen and a string of swearwords following. There is another male voice answering. Karlie perks up. Derek must have had someone staying over. Had she been this caught up in her own thoughts last night that she didn’t notice?

“Good morning!” Derek greets her with way too much cheer in his voice when she walks into the kitchen.

She can hardly set one foot in front of the other, and her head is pounding. She pours herself a cup of coffee and is introduced to Derek’s visitor. She forgets his name immediately, but she knows it doesn’t matter because Derek will bring someone else over rather sooner than later, and then she will forget his name, too. It’s how she used to be, too, until fairly recently.

Karlie stares into her coffee mug, unable to keep up with the small-talk the two men make over their eggs and toast. All she can think about is how nice it would be to have Taylor here, sitting next to her. She wonders if Taylor prefers scrambled eggs or omelet, and she imagines herself preparing the breakfast for her. The thought startles her so much that she jolts up and spills hot coffee on her hands.

“Shit!”

Derek laughs and hands her a towel. “What’s wrong with you, Karls? I have to say I didn’t really see you all night. How much did you drink? You were with Taylor the entire time?”

Karlie dries her hands before she speaks up, her voice scratchy and hoarse. “Yeah. Talked to Taylor. T’was good.”

Derek raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. He takes the towel again and hands her a glass of water instead. Later that day, he practically has to drag Karlie to band practice, and their usually chatty car ride is silent. Karlie wants to ask Derek about his one-night stand but doesn’t have the energy. Her thoughts are still a tangled mess, even though her headache has mostly faded.

Her only clear memories of the night are Taylor. Her laugh, her blonde curls, her button-down and high-waisted skirt, the glint in her eyes when she talked about her cats, her soft skin, the sight of her sitting alone.

It all hits her when she sees Taylor again. The singer engulfs her in a tight hug and smiles at her. Karlie doesn’t know what to do. It’s obvious that something has changed between them. They’re closer now, and it is clear that Taylor remembers everything. She must’ve been the only one at the party holding back on her alcohol.

“Are you all right Karlie? Did you sleep well?” Taylor teases her. The others laugh. Karlie can only make a grimace.

Taylor hands her a bottle of water and laughs again. “We’ll go easy on you today.”

“Yeah.”

Karlie can’t say much else. She doesn’t know how to act around Taylor. She remembers their conversations, but now she wishes she had been sober so she could remember every detail. She knows that part of becoming friends with someone means getting to know them, but Karlie likes to appear distant, aloof, mysterious. Yet now Taylor has been to her place and she knows she likes to bake. It unsettles Karlie.

Jack arrives, and they focus on work.

“Brendon, Taylor, I’ve thought about it” he announces after a while.

Everyone looks at him expectantly.

“I think we can compromise on ‘I think he knows’. Taylor already recorded it, but I don’t mind if Brendon joins Taylor during the bridge during live shows.”

Taylor’s eyes light up. “Of course! It’s his song, after all!”

“Thank you!” Brendon smiles.

Jack doesn’t smile back, only claps his hands and everyone focuses back on their instruments.

The afternoon passes by quickly, much to Karlie’s relief. They are in a crucial phase of the recording process, and the next week proves to be full of work. Writing, experimenting, recording, mixing, re-recording. Karlie engrosses herself in her music, leaving little space to think about or talk to Taylor.

* * *

Everyone is focused on the album. They organize a cover shoot with a photographer Todrick recommends. Karlie’s birthday comes and goes, and she ignores it like she always does. Only Derek sings her happy birthday in the morning, and in the evening her sisters call. No one else knows it’s her birthday, and she likes it that way.

On a hot day around noon, Karlie sits on the front porch of the studio, drinking lemonade and smoking a cigarette. She taps her foot to the beat of the song they’ve been recording all morning.

“I really like your drum part in the song.”

Karlie startles and looks around to see Taylor smiling at her. The singer sits down next to her.

“I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.” Her tone is friendly, not accusatory, as if she just realized it.

“Oh …yeah.” Karlie fumbles with her cigarette and hastily puts it out, pushing the stub into the ground. “Sorry, I know you hate cigarette smoke.”

Taylor looks surprised. “Oh, it’s okay, we’re outside.”

“No no, it’s fine. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

They sit in silence for a while.

“What’s your favorite song so far?” Taylor asks. Karlie can feel her eyes studying her face. She shifts her weight and takes a sip of her lemonade before she speaks.

“Oh, I like all of them … Golden Days might be one of my favorites, because we’ve played it live already.”

Taylor hums in response.

Karlie clears her throat. “What about you?”

“I think he knows.”

“Really?” Karlie raises her eyebrows. “One of Brendon’s songs?”

Taylor laughs. “Yes. I really admire his writing skills. I enjoy working with him. No matter what kind of controversy Jack tries to stir.” She rolls her eyes, and Karlie laughs.

It occurs to Karlie that Taylor actually is enjoying her work with the band. She initially assumed that Taylor only joined to do her brother and the record label a favor. She bites her lip. It’s not like she ever thought to ask Taylor herself. She only made assumptions.

“I came up with a possible title for the album.” Taylor says into the lull in conversation.

Karlie perks up. “Seriously? You have an idea?”

Coming up with a name for the album has been the bane of all of their existence for weeks now. Jack doesn’t approve of anything. They can’t decide if there should be a title track or if the name should be something different altogether.

“Reputation.”

Taylor looks at Karlie expectantly. Karlie wants to ask what she means when it dawns on her.

“That’s the title?”

Taylor nods and grins.

Karlie tilts her head. “I love it.”

They hear loud chatter coming from the studio.

“How did you come up with it?”

Taylor takes a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking, and I realized that it’s something everyone in the band seems to be struggling with a lot. Our individual reputations. For instance, Jack doesn’t want Brendon to sing a verse with male pronouns, because he wants the band to appeal to the general public. Even though, you know” she chuckles, and it makes Karlie’s heart beat a little faster, “my brother is the only straight guy in the band. And, just, I know that people also like making assumptions about me, and then realize I’m completely different when they get to know me.”

She looks at her hands in her lap, avoiding Karlie’s gaze.

“And the same goes for everyone. We think we know someone, but we only know the version of them that they’ve chosen to show us. Everyone knows us differently. I think it’s important to realize that.”

Karlie exhales audibly. She doesn’t know what to say. She drinks the rest of her lemonade, then looks at Taylor.

“You’re right.” She runs a hand through her hair. “What do the others think of your suggestion?”

Taylor turns to meet her eyes.

“You’re the first one I’ve shared it with.”


	5. Chapter 5

**I Don’t Hardly Know Her, But I Think I Could Love Her**

The weekend of their album release finds the band in New York City.

“Thank you so much, you’ve been an incredible audience. Our record ‘Reputation’ is in stores now! This is our last song for tonight. It’s called Townie, move your feet and sing along if you know it!”

Taylor is giving it her all as usual. By the end of the set all the band members are drenched in sweat and exhausted. The small venue is packed, and it is one of the last hot days of a lingering summer. Nevertheless, everyone has a big smile on their face. Karlie watches Taylor perform the song from behind her drums. She feels proud – the song is a songwriting collaboration between herself and Brendon, for a change, and Taylor performs it flawlessly.

“That was a good show. Congratulations on the album release, too.” Karlie spins around at hearing the familiar voice. She almost drops her cocktail glass. Following her gig, she is sitting at the bar, waiting for Taylor to return from the bathroom. She takes in the woman standing in front of her. She is tall and blonde, but it is not Taylor.

“Toni.” Karlie’s voice is low and she does her best to hide her surprise.

“What are you doing here?”

“I moved to NYC last year. You would know that if you read my letters.” Toni lifts her chin.

Karlie takes a sip of her cocktail. Her thoughts wander to the last letter from Toni that she had received. It had gone straight from the mailbox into the trash can. Karlie is over her.

Toni places her hand on Karlie’s thigh and leans close. “I read about Taylor Swift joining your band, so I had to come see for myself. You sound good.”

“Thanks.” Karlie says quietly. She doesn’t know what to do. Her mind is already clouded from the alcohol and the joint she shared backstage with Derek.

Someone clears their throat next to them. Toni looks up and grins. Taylor is standing there. Karlie opens her mouth to speak, but Toni beats her to it.

“You’re Taylor Swift, right? Big fan. I’m Toni.”

She reaches out her hand. Taylor looks at Karlie but shakes Toni’s hand.

“How do you know Karlie?” Taylor furrows her brow.

“Oh,” Toni laughs. “I’m an old acquaintance.”

Karlie groans and rubs her temple. Toni looks Taylor up and down, then sits down on the bar stool originally occupied by Taylor. She makes no move to leave them alone anytime soon. Karlie feels lost and looks at Taylor helplessly, but the singer’s eyes are glued to Toni.

“So,” Toni starts and a mischievous glint appears in her eyes. She reaches into the pocket of her leather jacket and pulls out a small tin can. She looks around before opening it.

Taylor gasps when she sees the pills.

“I thought we could have some fun tonight.” Toni smirks.

Taylor avoids her gaze and looks at Karlie. Karlie, however, is staring at the pills in the palm of Toni’s hand. Her heart is beating out of her chest. She tries to resist the pull she feels towards them, like a wave of nostalgia washing over her. She tunes out the loud noises of the bar and Taylor’s questioning eyes.

Toni places a hand on Karlie’s arm, then looks at Taylor again.

“You could join us if you want to. We’ll be hitting the dance floor soon.”

Taylor’s lips are pressed into a hard line. Toni swallows one pill with a sip of Karlie’s cocktail. She stretches out her hand to Karlie. Time seems to stand still for a moment. Then Karlie takes a pill and swallows it, reaching for her cocktail. Taylor stays there, frozen in place.

Toni offers Taylor a pill but then takes her hand back as if she knows Taylor won’t take one, anyways. Karlie sees Taylor shake her head no. Karlie’s head is spinning and the room feels entirely too hot and full of people.

Toni gets up and takes her hand. “Last chance to join us. Be there or be square.” She winks as she pulls Karlie with her to the dancefloor.

Taylor tries to catch Karlie’s eyes, but they are focused on something that’s not there, like they are looking into a distant memory. The crowd swallows the two women, and Taylor is left alone.

* * *

“Come on Karlie, aren’t you going to eat a waffle? You’ll feel better.” Derek laughs and lightly pushes the plate towards Karlie.

Karlie groans. Her head is resting on the table with her arm draped over them, blocking out the noises and the lights of the diner.

He rubs her back when she doesn’t move. “I haven’t seen you this hungover in forever. How much did you and Toni drink last night?”

Karlie doesn’t answer. Derek looks to Taylor and Brendon who are sitting opposite to them. “She even threw up earlier. I hope she feels better for our gig tonight. I was so surprised to see Toni, though.”

Neither of them knows how to answer. Taylor looks down at her waffle as if the powdered sugar is the most interesting thing she’s seen this week. They hear laughter coming from the other side of the room. Todrick and Austin are quarreling over the jukebox, jokingly arguing over who gets to decide the next song. The machine makes a rattling sound and ‘Dance the night away’ starts playing.

Karlie groans again and covers her ears. She wants to go back to sleep and forget about the last twelve hours of her life. In the moment she hadn’t thought about any consequences, but seeing the look of disappointment on Taylor’s face as she’s eating her waffle this morning tells her everything she needs to know. Her head is pounding.

Derek stops trying to convince her to eat. He’s talking about her to their bandmates as if she isn’t there.

“Taylor, you were with Karlie last night too, right? Do you know what and how much she drank? This is weird … she’s not usually like this. Well, not anymore.”

Taylor heaves a deep sigh. Brendon is looking between the three of them, quietly observing.

“I was only with her until Toni showed up.” Her voice is bitter. She bites her lip and gives Derek a pointed look.

Karlie wishes she could tune out their conversation, but she knows the inevitable is about to happen. Derek looks at her again, as if deep in thought. He stops rubbing her back abruptly.

“Toni … and … now … oh.” Derek’s eyes go wide. “Oh.”

Taylor slowly nods, then looks down.

“Karlie!”

Karlie can’t help it. She starts sobbing like a child. Brendon looks utterly confused. Taylor puts her head in her hands. Derek crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“I’m so fucking mad at you, Karlie. You’ve been doing so well. Why now? After our album comes out and we’re about to go on tour? Why? Only because Toni shows up once? Do you not have any self-control?” He asks through gritted teeth.

The song from the jukebox stops playing, and Austin and Todrick make their way over to their booth.

“Brendon, Taylor, can you excuse us for a second? Go outside with those two?” The tone is Derek’s voice is sharp.

“Taylor can stay.” Karlie mumbles through her sobs. Her head is still resting on her arms on the table and her voice is barely audible.

Brendon sighs and leaves. Derek shoots a glance at Taylor. “She was with you. Taylor why didn’t you stop her?”

“She’s not my babysitter!” Karlie exclaims. She ignores the pounding in her head and sits up to look at Derek.

“I screwed up, okay, I know! I’m sorry! Just let me sober up in peace.” She runs a hand through her disheveled hair. A pair of sunglasses is hiding the dark circles under her eyes.

“I wish I had stopped you” Taylor says quietly and bites her lip.

Derek fumbles with the cutlery. “I’m sorry, Taylor. No, Karlie is right. It’s not your fault. She makes her choices. And it was a bad choice. Toni is to blame. I don’t know why she showed up. I’m just disappointed.”

He looks at Karlie for a long moment, then pulls her into a hug. Karlie starts sobbing again. She feels awful showing this side of her in front of Taylor. She wants Taylor to think she’s strong and badass. Not this vulnerable, crying mess.

“It’s okay, Karlie. If Toni shows up again tonight, we’ll make sure she stays away from you. I don’t know your history with her, but you don’t have to do it again. You can move on.” The gentleness of Taylor’s voice makes Karlie shudder, and she nods.

“Thank you.”

Derek gives Taylor a smile. “I have to say, Taylor, I like Karlie much better when she’s around you than I ever did when she was with Toni.”

* * *

“You really don’t mind being here with me and not partying?” Karlie looks at Taylor with an intense gaze. She nervously fiddles with the hem of her jeans, her legs draped over the couch they’re sitting on. The hotel lounge is overlooking a busy street, and the lights shine bright against the dark night sky.

“No, I thought by now you should know I’m not into parties all that much” Taylor shrugs and laughs.

“I love playing music, but I don’t really know what to do with myself when I’m not on stage at these types of clubs.”

Karlie simply nods in response and draws from her joint. Since the Toni incident, as Derek calls it, she has avoided staying at the bar and gone back to the hotel to watch television or read. It surprises her that she doesn’t mind at all. At the same time, she knows she will go back to partying once they are on tour, but she also knows their stricter schedule will help her stay in control.

“Thank you” she smiles at Taylor, who smiles back.

Karlie looks out of the window for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Taylor takes a sip of her piña colada, then bites her lip.

“Are you disappointed with how the album is doing so far?”

Taylor’s eyes go wide. “What? No, why would you say that? It’s going pretty well!”

“It debuted at #39. I know you’re used to better than that, Taylor. Your albums debuted in the top 20 and-“

“Karlie.” Taylor’s voice is firm. Karlie turns around to look at her.

“I don’t care. I love the music we’re making. I love hanging out with you guys, and playing with you guys. I’m happy to see Austin all the time. And besides,” she leans forward a little, “the album is a huge success for _you_ , isn’t it? You should focus on that.”

Karlie exhales audibly. “Yeah, you’re right.” Taylor is always right, it seems. It doesn’t annoy her anymore, however. It makes her seek out her presence more and more.

“And also” Taylor giggles. “39 is three times 13, and 13 is my lucky number. That’s three times good luck!”

Karlie can’t help but to throw her head back and laugh. Taylor laughs along. She always makes Karlie laugh like it’s the easiest thing in the world, like Karlie is not someone most people stick up their noses at.

Karlie turns towards Taylor and looks at her for a long moment. Taylor’s black turtleneck is hugging her figure well. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, and her bangs are getting long. It’s not like Karlie has never noticed before. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but she finds Taylor beautiful. In this moment, sitting next to her, Taylor’s face illuminated by the lights shining in through the window. She finds her beautiful.

Taylor clears her throat. Karlie snaps out of her daze. Taylor is looking at her with curiosity in her eyes. Her head is tilted to the side ever so slightly. Her mouth is open.

“I …” Karlie starts but doesn’t know what she wants to say. Taylor’s gaze never leaves her face.

Karlie puts the joint onto the ashtray. Her heart is beating wildly in her chest. Before she knows what she’s doing, she scoots closer to Taylor. Their knees are touching, and she can smell her perfume. Taylor inhales sharply, but doesn’t move. Karlie looks up, and their eyes meet. Karlie bites her lip.

“Taylor … can I kiss you?”

The question leaves Karlie’s mouth before she even thinks it. Taylor’s eyes go wide, and Karlie instantly regrets it. Then, however, Taylor’s eyes soften and she nods. She still doesn’t move, so Karlie puts a hand on her knee. She can feel Taylor’s warm skin through the fabric of her jeans. Taylor shudders.

Karlie closes the distance between them. The kiss is short and chaste. Karlie separates and finds Taylor has her eyes closed. She quickly presses her lips on Taylor’s again, and this time Taylor responds. Her lips are just as soft and sweet as Karlie has imagined. They faintly taste of pineapple – Karlie doesn’t like the fruit but she doesn’t mind its taste on Taylor’s lips.

She stops short when she feels Taylor stiffen.

“What’s wrong?”

She leans back to look at Taylor. Her thumb gently caresses Taylor’s thigh. Taylor still has her eyes closed, and she only hums in response.

When Taylor opens her eyes, Karlie’s breath hitches in her throat. They are so _blue_. And full of sadness and confusion.

“I …” Taylor clears her throat. “I’ve never … you know … kissed a girl …”

Karlie bites her lip. “Oh.” She should have known.

“And I … I’m sorry.”

Taylor gives Karlie’s hand a squeeze, then hastily gets up. She doesn’t look back at Karlie and walks towards the hallway and the elevator in quick, long steps.

Karlie puts her head in her hands and sighs.

“I fucked up.”

* * *

The weeks go by, and they don’t talk about the kiss. In fact, they don’t talk much at all. There’s band practice, tour preparation, radio interviews, more tour preparation and more band practice. Throughout their busy schedule, however, the kiss is all that’s on Karlie’s mind. She catches Taylor staring at her once or twice, quickly looking away before their eyes meet, but none of them initiates a conversation. It’s a tension the other band members have been slowly picking up on.

“Shit, sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, can we do it again?” Karlie throws her head back in frustration and lets her drum sticks fall to the ground.

Jack, who has been pacing around the room since he arrived half an hour earlier, stops and sends a cold look Karlie’s way. “Karlie! Focus! This is our last practice before the tour! You need to be able to play the songs perfectly on stage. _Perfectly_ , okay? Do you hear me?”

Karlie bites her lip. “Yes.”

Derek looks at her with a furrowed brow. The other guys busy themselves tuning their instruments or reading over chords and lyrics. Karlie sees Taylor biting her lip and looking away.

“Did you relapse, Karlie?” Jack’s question is sharp and cuts Karlie deep. She winces and looks at the producer.

“No, Jack. I swear. I just … I’ve been out of it. I’m sorry. I’m trying my best.” Her voice is quiet.

Taylor looks to the ground and shuffles her feet, but doesn’t say anything.

Jack crosses his arms. “I hope so, Karlie. I’m done dealing with your bad attitude. It went well for a while. If you weren’t going on tour, I would replace you with another drummer, so consider yourself lucky.”

Karlie only sighs in response. Derek, however, puts up his hand. “It will be okay, Jack. We got this.”

Karlie sends him a weak smile, grateful that her best friend is sticking up for her.

“Should be continue?” Taylor asks to no one in particular, and the others nod.

Karlie suppresses a groan. It’s not only herself who has been out of it lately. Taylor had messed up the lyrics to ‘I think he knows’ just a few days earlier, but Jack hadn’t said anything. He had simply asked Taylor if she needed a break. Karlie wants to be annoyed, to tell Jack that she is sick and tired of being his scapegoat. And yet, she feels strangely relieved that Jack is leaving Taylor out of it, that he’s not blaming her for something that is Karlie’s fault. Even if neither Jack, nor the others, know what happened between her and Taylor.

When practice is over, Karlie is the last one in the room, making sure her drum set is packed and ready for transport the next day. She stacks boxes, then reopens and reorganizes them again. She can hear the others on the front porch, laughing about a joke Todrick had made. She stops in her movements and stares at the now mostly empty room.

She gets a cigarette from her pocket and puts it into her mouth without lighting it. She chews on the part in her mouth. She doesn’t hear the door opening and Derek poking his head in.

“Karlie? Are you alright? We’re leaving. I’ll wait in the car, don’t be too long.”

Karlie turns around and nods, but Derek is already outside again. She sighs and grabs her jacket, giving the drum set one last look-over. She switches the light off and pulls the door close behind her. On the dim light of the front porch she almost misses Taylor sitting on the stairs.

“Taylor?” she croaks out as she puts a hand on her racing heart. She’s not sure if it’s from the surprise or the way Taylor’s blonde curls reflect in the street light.

Taylor turns around and gestures for Karlie to sit. Karlie follows suit. She lights her cigarette as she sits down.

“I’m sorry for running away when you kissed me,” Taylor says into the quiet after a moment.

Karlie takes in a sharp breath. “No, Taylor … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you and … I’m sorry for going with Toni after the show in New York. That was really fucked up.”

She feels a warm hand on her arm. Taylor gives her a soft smile, and their eyes meet. Karlie gulps.

“It was a stupid mistake, but you’re okay now, aren’t you?” she asks, and Karlie nods. It’s true. She is over that part of her life, and she will do everything to show Taylor and the rest of the band that she means it.

“So, please let me say I’m sorry for walking away the other night. I was … I was just overwhelmed. It was not because I don’t like you, Karlie. I …” Taylor stops short, and Karlie notices that she is shaking.

Karlie shifts and puts her arm around Taylor’s shoulder, pulling her into a half-hug. Taylor relaxes immediately, and Karlie tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach when she feels Taylor’s hair nuzzle against her neck. Taylor is warm and soft, just like Karlie remembered.

“Will we be okay on tour?” Karlie asks after a moment. It’s been on her mind these last few days. She can handle long bus rides, bunk beds and small showers, stuffy changing rooms and greasy junk food. But she could never handle seeing Taylor around the clock and not talking to her.

Before Taylor can answer, a loud car honk pierces through the dark from across the street. It’s Derek, Karlie realizes and she groans. They still have to pack their bags, and she knows better than to make him wait.

“We have to be,” Taylor whispers.

Karlie gets up and walks down the steps, then turns back around to Taylor. Taylor’s gaze is so full of words unspoken between them, her lip quivering ever so slightly, that Karlie lets out a deep breath and turns away quickly before she can make another mistake.

* * *

Derek sighs as he puts out the cigarette in the ashtray and takes a long look at Karlie. “Are you going to tell me why we’re still sitting in the kitchen at this hour when we’re leaving for tour in less than twelve hours?”

Karlie shakes her head and looks out of the window. The street below is dark and deserted.

“It has to do with Taylor, doesn’t it? Will you tell me what happened between you two?”

Karlie only bites her lip and takes a draw from her cigarette.

Derek sighs again. “You two have been acting strange for weeks, when you started getting along so well. Don’t think that none of us have noticed. Austin asked me about it the other day, but I couldn’t tell him why, either.”

“It’s …” Karlie starts, but then trails off again. “We kissed. But it’s complicated.”

Derek hums in response. “I almost thought so.”

Karlie turns to look at him. “You’re … you’re not mad?” She can’t hide the surprise in her tired voice. She had imagined this scenario a little differently.

Derek chuckles. “No, I’m not mad. I kind of saw it coming, after our party. And you will have my support, and the other guy’s support, yes even Austin’s, if only you don’t fuck it up for the rest of us.”

“I’m just nervous, because of the tour. If Jack finds out what has really been happening …”

“Karlie,” Derek says softly, placing his hand on her arm. “As long as both of you perform well on stage, we will be fine. You need to focus, and talk to each other. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that we’re all going to be stuck with each other during the next few weeks. But you and Taylor need to talk.”

Karlie releases a long breath. “Thank you, Derek. I-“

The shrill ringing of the phone pierces through the apartment, swallowing Karlie’s next sentence. Her eyes widen, and she puts out her cigarette and jogs into the hallway to answer.

“Yes?”

“Karlie …”

The voice is familiar, and Karlie shudders.

“Taylor? Is something wrong?” She gulps and feels her heartbeat quicken. She can hear Derek’s chair squeaking from the kitchen, and knows that he must be eavesdropping.

“No.” There is a sigh at the other end of the line. “Well … I … just wanted to call you.”

“Did something happen? Taylor, we’re leaving for tour tomorrow. Are you okay?” Karlie can’t help but feel worried. What if Taylor had changed her mind about going on tour with them?

Taylor chuckles. “Don’t worry, Karlie. I know. I’m excited for tour. I just couldn’t sleep.”

Karlie feels relieved. “Yeah, Derek and I are still up as well.”

“I talked to my mom today. She said she listened to our album and she even liked some of the songs.” Taylor laughs. “She said dad and her might come to a show.”

“Taylor, that’s great. I’m happy for you and Austin!”

Taylor only hums in response. A long silence follows.

“Taylor?” Karlie’s voice is quiet. “Is that why you called me?”

“No. But I wanted to talk to you.” Taylor’s voice is just as quiet.

There’s another long silence. Karlie hears Derek move around the kitchen on tiptoes.

“Can I come over?” The question is out before Karlie can think twice about it.

Taylor breathes out audibly. “Please.”

She hangs up. Karlie stares at the receiver for a moment, dumbfounded. Then she sets in motion, grabbing her keys and telling Derek where she’s going. Derek gives her a knowing grin that Karlie barely registers before she’s out the door.

She drives in silence, and there isn’t much traffic at this hour. She feels her heartbeat quicken with each minute that gets her closer to Taylor. A proper talk is long overdue, even if their conversation from earlier in the day had been a good start.

When she pulls into Taylor’s driveway, she sees the light shining through the kitchen window. Before she can knock, the door opens with a swing, and Taylor is standing in front of her. She looks out of breath, and there is an intensity in her eyes that Karlie has only ever seen when Taylor performs her songs.

She clears her throat. “Taylor … I’ve been thinking and-“

Taylor grabs her arm, pulls her inside and shuts the door.

“No … I need you to know something, Karlie.”

Taylor bites her lip, and their eyes meet. Karlie shivers. Taylor releases the strong grip on Karlie’s arm, but her touch still lingers. Karlie studies her face and lets her gaze drop to Taylor’s lips. She sees Taylor gulp.

Taylor’s lips are on hers not even a heartbeat later. Karlie stumbles backwards a little, but instinctively reaches out and holds onto Taylor’s waist, pulling her close.

The kiss is different from their first one. There’s an urgency to it, a rush to convey everything they’ve buried in silence over the past weeks. Karlie doesn’t have time to think, all she knows is that finally, all the pieces are falling into place.

They’re going on tour tomorrow and their lives are changing with each sold record and tour ticket. Yet all of that seems far away. She’s kissing Taylor, finally wrapping her up in her arms and holding her close, and Taylor’s lips taste like a sweet promise of what the future can be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Epilogue**

The record store is small, packed to the brim with old records, new CDs and music magazines. The bell above the store entrance chimes as two women step in. They’re laughing, clinging to each other as they put their umbrellas by the door. One of them runs her hand through her blonde hair, petals of water falling onto the carpet.

The store owner sits behind the counter and only briefly looks up. The two women start browsing and the store falls silent again save for the humming and buzzing of the computer and the occasional, heavy typing sound of the keyboard.

“Look!” The silence is broken after a few minutes when Taylor nudges Karlie.

Karlie’s gaze follows Taylor’s pointed finger towards the opposite wall. When she sees it, her breath hitches in her throat. Taylor beams at her discovery, but it makes Karlie feel nervous all of a sudden. Taylor seems to sense it, because she takes her hand and runs a soothing thumb along her palm.

It’s a tour poster that has Taylor excited, but it’s not any tour poster. It’s theirs, of their first and last world tour. Their only world tour, but they didn’t know that at the time. They were still at the height of their career, before everything changed so drastically. The close-ups of their smiling faces, and the bold letters “Taylor Swift and The New Romantics – 1989 World Tour” tell the story of a life that Taylor and Karlie have long left behind, but never forgotten.

Protected from the wear and tear of time, unlike the people pictured, the poster is behind a glass frame, hanging high on the wall and out of reach from curious customers. Karlie can only stare at it. Next to her, Taylor stands still, all the while holding her hand.

The store clerk seems to notice their interest in the poster, because he gets up from his desk and approaches them.

“Is there anything I can help you with? I’m afraid that poster is not for sale, it’s from my personal collection.” He looks up at it with a wistful glint in his eyes.

“It was the first concert I went to, when I was a teenager. My older brother took me when they played down the street at the Bowery Ballroom. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. He loved that band. He passed away the same year as their keyboard player, from the same disease, and-“

He stops abruptly as if only now remembering he is talking to strangers. He wipes at his eyes and clears his throat. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me, I will let you browse in peace.”

“No, you have nothing to apologize for.” Taylor says softly and steps forward, turning towards the man.

His eyes go wide in recognition, and he stumbles back. “I- … you’re- …”

Karlie turns around too, and the man recognizes her instantly as well. He glances between them for a split-second, and something like understanding briefly crosses his face before he regains his composure.

His voice trembles. “Oh my God.”

Karlie gulps. She is unsure what to say. She wants to express her sympathy towards the store clerk whom she doesn’t know but who shares her grief, but all she can do is stay rooted to her spot.

Taylor speaks up again. She has always been better at handling situations like this, even back in the day when fans would be waiting by their tour busses and hotels. This situation is vastly different, of course, but Karlie feels grateful nonetheless that she has Taylor to rely on.

“I’m sorry to hear about your brother. It was a difficult time for so many of us. Thank you for keeping the poster all these years. It means a lot to us.” Her voice is calm, but Karlie doesn’t miss how her chin quivers.

The man takes a deep breath. “Thank you. I … it means a lot to me, too.”

Taylor gives him a smile, then walks up to him and gives him a hug. The store owner tenses up at first but then visibly relaxes, hugging Taylor back. When they separate, Karlie walks up to him.

“Thank you for keeping our memory alive,” she whispers and squeezes his shoulder in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. He nods and gives her a grateful smile, not making an attempt to hug her as if he knows that it’s not her thing.

Taylor asks him about the store, and he tells them about his life and the music he likes and the kind of people who frequent his store. Karlie only listens, but is intrigued nonetheless. A couple of years ago a customer seems to have bid a lot of money on their tour poster, but he refused to sell it. It makes Karlie feel warm, knowing there is still someone out there who loves their old band, who listens to their music.

“Actually, I hope you don’t mind, but would you sign something for me? It won’t be for sale, I promise.” The store owner asks and goes behind his desk, fishing out an old record from a drawer.

It’s their 1989 LP, the cardboard all worn out and taped together, and it looks like an original pressing. Karlie has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from tearing up. When the man opens the case, something falls out and onto the floor. He is quick to pick it up.

It’s a polaroid – a picture of the band in their practice room. It’s too dark and Austin is only half in the frame, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because this is one of only a handful of special edition LPs that contained a unique polaroid of the band, and somehow this store owner has held onto it for well over a decade like it’s the most priceless item in the world.

Taylor has gone quiet as well. She takes the marker the man gives her and signs the polaroid, then hands it over to Karlie. Karlie stares at the picture in awe, her hands trembling.

“Thank you”, the man whispers again.

Karlie looks up again, and their eyes meet. She hands him back the polaroid. “Thank you for keeping it all those years. I never thought I would see this picture again. It was my favorite out of the ones we picked for the album.” She smiles.

The store owner only nods, seemingly at a loss for words.

“My brother will be in the city next month, I will tell him to stop by” Taylor offers and the man stammers a surprised ‘thank you’.

They talk for a while more. Taylor tells the store owner about the fundraiser they attended the night before and asks him about the coffee shop they passed down the street. He assures them it’s worth a visit if they’re ever in the area again.

When they leave, Karlie takes Taylor’s hand as they walk out. She feels at peace, somehow. She tends to forget that they left a legacy, that even today people find comfort in their music. Taylor places her hand on the small of Karlie’s back. It’s warm and comforting, the way it’s been all these years. The way it will be for many years to come, no matter how much the world around them changes. The doorbell chimes and they pop up their umbrellas, then the two women get swallowed up again by the low-hanging clouds and the pouring rain of the bustling city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for your kudos and comments! I hope you enjoyed the story. I had a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> This story is a work of fiction. The words, thoughts and actions of characters based on real-life people in this story are purely fictional and are not meant to imply any real-life resemblance. The other characters are original characters, any resemblance towards real-life people is purely coincidental and unintentional. Places, businesses, incidents and events are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. 
> 
> Characters based on real persons:  
> Taylor Swift, Karlie Kloss, Derek Blasberg, Todrick Hall, Brendon Urie, Austin Swift, Toni Garrn, Cara Delevingne, Jack Antonoff, Lily Aldridge.
> 
> Do not repost this work to another site.


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